THE GIRL CODE

THE GIRL CODE

The “Girl code” states that “You are never in any case to date friends ex or a guy who she was really into”. It is a sacred bond between friends. A violation of the girl code is the ultimate betrayal of friendship. One of the eternal questions that plague girls all over the world is, what are the rules about dating your friend’s ex? Is there some kind of code that says that once your friend has been in a relationship with a guy, he is totally off limits even if it is over? Is there a time frame from when their relationship ended that will make it ok for you to date him?. If she gets another boyfriend can you date him? There are a million questions here and almost as many varied responses too.
First of all, “Friend” here refers to your BFF. Not just anyone. Well, I will consider three different schools of thought. The first one thinks that it is ridiculous to say that your best friend’s ex is off limits after they’ve broken up. We don’t own people; we just share our time with them and when the relationship ends, you have to let them go. They say people are not possessions and so you shouldn’t have a problem with who your ex or your best friend dates. They say It’s a delicate situation, but why let a potential love match get away?
The second school of thought has a opposite point of view. They are the advocates of the “Girl code”. They say it is absolute betrayal to date your best friend’s ex. That it is not even worth considering and it is totally off limits.
In my experience, Friendships typically last a lot longer than romantic relationships, particularly 'potential' romantic relationships. The last thing you want to do is burn your bridges with those who will continue to support you and be around you the longest. When coming out of a relationship, a friend should be there as a strong supportive shoulder. “If they begin to date the woman you were seeing, it can feel like an extra knife in the back. Particularly if you were in a long-term relationship with her,” says Michael Valmont. He also says; . “On paper, it sounds like an absolutely horrendous idea, and something most good friends would try to avoid like the plague,”.
 “Unless you are trapped on a desert island and the future of civilization depends on you, it's not a good idea,” says Rachel DeAlto.
The third school of thought believes that nothing in life is black and white. They believe that it depends on several factors. The following should be considered; ‘How serious were they?. Was your friend really in love with him or was he just an acquaintance who went out on a few dates with her?. How long the relationship lasted. Who broke it off and is she really over him?. This will be easier to determine if she has moved on to a new relationship. You should avoid this whole scenario unless you feel very strongly that your friend’s ex is your ultimate soul mate and if he is worth losing your best friend over.
That being said, rules are always broken so if overlooking all the above you decide to date your best friend’s ex, there are some things to consider to make the situation less awkward; If it's a close friend, proceed with caution. Be open and honest about it. Don’t lie about if. That way, your friend will feel a little less betrayed. If you really value your friendship, ask your friend for permission even though at the back of your mind, you know she doesn’t own him. It is just the right thing to do. Most of the time, they will give you their blessings but trust me, very few mean it. Emotions take a while to heal, so it’s unlikely that the friend is going to be okay with it. Evaluate your friendship. Remember when things don’t work out, your friend is the one you will have to rely on to hand you the Kleenex. Talk to the guy and make sure he is on the same page before you ruin everything for something that is nonexistent.

The reality is that it’s just too weird and uncomfortable for most people to want to deal with. So if you can avoid it, then do. Remember its just my opinion so let’s hear yours.

Xoxo…Gwen Ntumngia