Can you have a healthy friendship with your ex?

Can you have a healthy friendship with your ex?

Hmmm… personally, my views are mixed on this topic. Sure u can as long as its not sexual and as long as you both define the relationship. On the other hand, if it was a sexual relationship, I doubt if you can both get out of it unscathed. I have talked with a lot of people about this and they seem to have very varied views. As far as love and relationships are concerned, it is important to know our boundaries and not do things that will put pressure on those boundaries. Breaking off a relationship is difficult enough without the added complication of an ex who wants to remain friends. Feelings are delicate especially because we can’t see them but if we are honest with ourselves, we can tell how real or unreal those feelings are. It is important to put your needs first so only maintain the friendship if it is in your best interest. After a breakup, both or one party is faced with a lot of emotional challenges and therefore it is important to give yourself time to heal. It is not advisable to become friends when you are still so emotionally unstable. The healing process and period varies from one person to the other and during that time, it is advisable to give each other space. Sometimes, the motives of your ex for wanting to remain friends with you might be questionable. They may still think there is a chance to get back together and such a relationship is dangerous because it hinders personal growth. Moving on is hard enough without the extra baggage of carrying your ex along.

It is important to establish if you are over him. That might be problematic because the fact that someone says “its over” doesn’t really mean its over. They might just be playing hard to get. They might be confused. Getting over someone you really cared about is no joke. Like the saying goes ‘Falling in love is easy but falling out of love is not”. As long as one of you is not completely over the other, there is no way your relationship can be healthy. The acid test is “Do you get jealous when you see them with someone else? If you were given a chance to hurt them will you take it? Are you really happy to see that they have moved on and are happy without you?, Do you feel like they owe you anything?, do you have any jealousy, anger or resentment towards them?” If you pass this acid test with flying colors, then MAYBE you are over your ex and can have a healthy friendship with him/her. If not, then befriending them is treading on dangerous waters. It may lead to a very unstable and complicated relationship.

On the other hand, there are some instances where the break up might be mutual. Maybe you both just realize that you were not meant to be together and you decide to break it up. If that is the case, you both can build up a healthy friendship. There are some instances where exes have become greatest friends. Remember, you were in a relationship before and therefore they probably know you well enough to be good friends. So its totally up to you. As for me, I will be friends with my ex but I will eat with them using a long spoon if you know what I mean. That’s my opinion. Let’s hear yours. Peace!!!

Xoxo Gwen Ntumngia